“THAT’S HOT!” February 2007

The Bush Administration has decided that there is something to this Global Warming scare. I don’t buy into it because in every State of the Union for seven years he has brought this up. It doesn’t matter if we reduce oil imports by 20% by 2017. So what if we are “addicted to oil”. So what if the United States is responsible for 25% of the world’s carbon emissions and we only hold 5% of the world’s population. There’s a whole group of people out there that think global warming is natural, and we can’t or shouldn’t do anything about it.
Best excuse – it’s god’s plan.

Most people don’t care about the environment. Nature is nice to watch on Television, but they don’t even want to send their kids outside. It’s a scary world out there. You have anthrax in the ground levels, Lyme disease, bird flu virus, child predators driving around neighborhoods, and don’t you dare talk to strangers, even though they live three houses down from you.

Plus to reduce oil dependency we might have to give up some of our “freedoms”. Little Johnny can only participate in one sports activity, because of the gas expenditures from driving him back and forth. He could ride his bike though. Eliminate recreational vehicles. Shopping would be reduced to once a week. Cut out shopping – then we aren’t supporting the troops!

If you want to do something about the environment, you have to humanize it. It’s not a good thing if the glaciers melt away. Warm weather is nice to people, but ocean levels rising would displace a lot of people. Cities and suburbia will need to make room for a lot of new neighbors. U.S. citizens already try to avoid contact with people by eating fast food, renting DVDs, no eye contact when walking, and talking to people through cell phones. Increased population is really going to hinder our lives.

The environment needs a spokesperson. It has to be a person and not a cuddly animal character like a polar bear. Polar bears aren’t found in our everyday lives, they live in zoos. Global warming isn’t going to affect the zoos. We need a celebrity to draw attention to the issues. Paris Hilton would be ideal! She already has that tag line, “That’s Hot!”. Plus we all have an interest in her, and she could use a little polish on that soiled image of hers.

You could show her watching a bunch of hunched over bicycle riders going by with their tight buttocks up in the air. She could use her tag line. She could be cuddling up with a polar bear, though not a polar bear rug. All that tan bare skin against the furry whiteness – Oh, man! That’s hot!


Jake Drew
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